Welcome to My Life...

You know when you see photos of people with those big blown up checks in the paper or fundraising publications or wherever? Well, part of my job is to coordinate and attend some of those "check presentations" for people who give money to the hospital.

So, this morning I had to attend a check presentation for the Kiwanis Club. The presentation was taking place at their weekly meeting. Which was at 7:00 AM. At Rise & Shine restaurant. Whatever you are picturing in your head for Rise & Shine, is exactly what it is. It’s basically grease on a plate. Sick.

So, I set my alarm for 5freaking15 in the morning so that I can be in Fort Worth at the Rise & Shine by 7 AM. Who even meets at 7 AM anyway? Ridiculous!! So, naturally I am late, but only like 5 minutes or less, which for 7 AM is as good as can be expected for me. I mean really. So, I walk in – giant yellow purse, HUGE blown up check for the photo, sparkly gold heels, bangle bracelets clanking together – there is no missing me. I walk up to the lady at the counter and she tells me they are “right through there – to the left” which for the record was HER left, my right. So, I walk over to the private dining room and they are praying. Since I have good manners and love Jesus, I was not about to bust up in there mid-prayer. So, I wait for the amens before barging in. They say amen. I walk a few steps to just outside the arched opening. They start doing the pledge of allegiance. My hands are full. I can’t do it. I stand there and they totally all see me – I mean really, there was NO missing me this morning. I wait for the end. I walk another step in, now I’m completely in the doorway. I’m about to introduce myself and then they start singing. America the Beautiful. All the verses. I don’t know the words to America the Beautiful. So, the head Kiwani says (loudly) “Come on in, Julie!” mid song. So, there I stand awkwardly in the doorway, giant check in hand, overstuffed purse in the other – singing watermelon watermelon watermelon under my breath since I don’t know the words. Then that song is over so I think surely, SURELY I’m in the clear so I step into the main walkway of the room and then, THEN they launch into some song about smiling and cheerfulness and greeting people with a smile and they all start walking around shaking hands with each other. Everyone shakes hands with everyone. And my hands are full. And I’m causing a traffic jam because I’m stuck in a walkway with a giant check. Most awkward experience of my life.

Oh, and someone in the kitchen caught some bacon or something on fire, so I reeked of bacon grease and my eyes stung from the smoke all day. And the other girl from my office who was supposed to go got totally lost trying to get there and made her grand entrance 30 minutes later. It was so, so bad, yet so, so funny. This is proof that I should not be required to be anywhere before 8:30 AM.


So yeah, welcome to my life.